When You Can't Say What You Want to Say

This happens to me a lot. I can't say what I'm thinking. The reasons vary. Societal norms, a desire to stay employed, a concern for the feelings of my friends, family, business associates and the general public--all are valid reasons why my "thought-to-enunciated-words" filter kicks in.

I have a good friend that is not limited by her internal filter. She's a good person. But she is not hindered by the sort of thinking processes that I have to deal with. So her filter is engaged rarely. Mine is usually working overtime.

As an example a few things that I either said or written as a way to stay employed, not upset coworkers or challenge societal norms, I have included a small sampling of these filtered phrases below. I will allow you to perform the translation into English. Let me know what you think my intended message was. Enjoy!

1. "He was talking out of the wrong end of his anatomy."
2. "I hope we can avoid an unschedule highspeed airplane, lowspeed ground, interface event."
3. "[Female coworker's name], I hope none of this particulate-infused, colloidal mass of an email splashes onto you."
4. "I believe his understanding of the subject has given him an opportunity for additional learning activity."

What do you say  when you can't say what you want to say?